#25 MY HEAVENLY PILL (pt. 2)
Hi, folks!
I’m just writing this to update my LJ account. Well, I’m still alive (´ ω `♡), but I was a little busy these past few weeks with my job, side hustles, and my huge DIY room makeover. (Will write about it later on)
Starting mid-Feb this year, I wasn’t sleeping very well. I was stressed with my life, and the constant worry has kept me awake most of the night. Sometimes, I had to go to work with only two hours of sleep. I was still functioning, but I wasn’t productive as I used to be. Because of the situation, my immune system has gradually weakened, and I caught a common cold easily.
In mid-March, my insomnia was terrible, I ALMOST never slept at all! I visited a doctor and asked my employer if I could take some time off. It was my first time seeing a doctor in years, and knowing that there’s a pandemic right now, I was so cautious and was distancing myself from the other patients in queue. It took me 3 hours because there were so many people! Well, it was just a community clinic because sadly, that was the only thing that I could afford. And oh, one of my life stressors since this damn pandemic has started was money.
When the nurse called out my name, I was so nervous as I entered the doctor’s office. He diagnosed me with acute respiratory allergies and chronic insomnia. Well, I trusted him because he is our family doctor. I always went there whenever I don’t feel well since I was a college student.
The doctor has asked me for a post nasal X-ray and thanks to God, there were no underlying conditions. However, the X-ray fee was so expensive and I was so lucky to have a boyfriend who was generous enough to give me 1000 pesos for my medical expenses. The doctor prescribed me some medicines for colds, allergies and of course, for my sleep – which is the clonazepam Rivotril.
Prior to that, he asked me if I was pregnant, and what over-the-counter drugs I was taking. He ordered me to take ½ dose at 8 pm and warned me I should never increase the dosage without his consent.
After my doctor’s visit, I immediately went to the drugstore near our home. I showed my prescription but the lady pharmacist did not give me my clonazepam. She let me purchase the other medicines in my prescription though, however; she advised me to visit the next day.
I asked her, “Why? I needed to take it later, as was what my doctor told me!”
The lady answered, “Ma’am, what you are trying to purchase is one of the dangerous drugs in the world, and only our chief pharmacist could dispense it - and that’s our protocol.”
It perplexed me!
I went home and did some google research. Frankly, I started not to trust that doctor because of what I recently knew. And I wondered why he would prescribe me something that was "dangerous" and difficult to get! But my parents reassured me that my doctor knew what he was doing and that he will not risk his license to harm me in the long run.
Upon my research, I discovered that clonazepam Rivotril is an antidepressant drug. Which makes sense because there’s a fine line between insomnia and anxiety. Doctors also prescribed this drug for seizures and epilepsy, but it was heavily regulated because of recreational use. I even read some news that suicidal people took many dosages to end their lives.
The next day, the chief pharmacist was already there. She was an old lady with a little grumpy attitude. I smiled at her, showed her my prescription and my valid ID, and to my surprise, she did not let me buy those drugs! She ordered me to produce a copy of my prescription. And in my thoughts, “Why this is so damn inconvenient to buy?”
But I had no choice! So I walked out of the drugstore with a heavy heart, looked for the nearest printing shop, and went back again. The chief pharmacist was getting on my nerves again when she asked if my prescription was legit. Again, in my thoughts, “Do I look like a liar to you?”
She called the doctor, and the prescription was confirmed. Finally, she dispensed the tablets and with a smile on my face, I thanked the heavens because I already have it and it was not so expensive at all!
Despite the chief pharmacist's grumpiness, she explained to me why a copy was needed; she would keep the original prescription so I could not buy it again, and the xerox copy would be mine for verification purposes. She even warned me not to skip a dose, not to drink alcohol, call my doctor if I started not to feel well, and not to bring clonazepam anywhere without the xerox copy of my prescription - or else, I’ll spend my bedtime at the jail.
Fast forward…
It was already nighttime; I took a deep breath as I stared at those white tablets in my hand. After reading the horrors on the internet on how the clonazepam made their lives miserable, I was already hesitant to take it. And I read, and read until I finally found some positive reviews. I finally realized that they will not create this drug if it will cause more harm than good.
So I took it.
After an hour, I felt drowsy and was moving like a drunk. It was weird, and I felt thirsty. I went downstairs for a glass of water and my little brother noticed how I walked so oddly.
Finally, I went to bed and had the best sleep since a month of a sleepless night. I had vivid dreams too! I woke up feeling energized and was productive at work. Sleeping good gave me a good mood!
After that, I never doubted my doctor again!
And as of today, I still have some tablets to take, but I needed to go back to his clinic before I ran out of stock. I discovered on the internet that this drug has the worse withdrawal symptoms and should not be stopped abruptly. It may cause depression, suicidal thoughts, death, and anything worse that you could think of. That means I have to go back to my doctor and ask for another prescription with a lower dose until my body could sleep without this drug. I guess it will take some time before I’m finally “clean”!
I wonder if I could get a COVID-19 vaccine because of this?
But what matters now is, I feel healthier! 😊