#23 Thoughts
What a lazy morning after a stressful week at work, I’ve been losing sleep because of worrying, and this weekend, all I wanted to do was to bake, eat, relax and draw. :3
With dwindling thoughts, I could not help not to think about the conversation I had with my boyfriend several months ago - which was all about our future together. We’ve been in a romantic relationship for almost four years, and with a soft voice, he gently asked, “Once we get married, would you choose to become a homemaker instead?”
It sounded dreamy, and we both knew that it will be the perfect “job” for me because I’m a naturally submissive woman. The idea of making our house clean, speaking to him after a long day of his work, and serving him a healthy meal to relieve his stress sounded fascinating! I even thought that creating artwork while waiting for him would be so delightful! And most of all, I amazed my boyfriend at how I religiously track every penny that I spent, how frugal I am as a person, how neat freak I am lol - making him comprehend that I would be a wonderful homemaker.
When thinking about gender roles in marriage, they always regarded men as “the head of the family”. They had the power to make all the decisions and control the relationship, and being a breadwinner gave them a sense of accomplishment. Traditionally, women’s role has been a submissive one, as its passiveness gave balance to the relationship. In popular belief, the major purpose of a woman is to become a mother.
I know my boyfriend could provide me a good life, not because he was earning more than me, but because he was a hardworking and responsible man. However, the world we are now living in is not the same as before; the quality of life is decreasing because of the uncontrollable growth of the population. Thus, many couples opted to have a childless marriage and saved for their twilight years.
Looking back, I grew up in a traditional household where my father was the sole provider and my Mom was the manager of our house. I never knew how it feels like to be taken care of by a nanny - because I grew up eating the meals my Mom had made with love and she sheltered me under her wings whenever I feel scared. She was always there for me and I'm forever grateful for that.
I’m the eldest child of three children, and my father worked very hard so he could send us to school. As a firstborn child, I know my parents had higher expectations of me. They did everything so I could step on the career path that I was walking now; the so-called “ticket” to a comfortable life. Answering the question uttered by my boyfriend was not that easy, because I know how disappointed my parents would be if I could just throw EVERYTHING away for a man.
Well, a woman’s life is more complicated. She must change her last name upon marriage, she needed to endure nine months of pain during pregnancy, and even give up her career so she can raise the child well! But some chose to be a career woman instead. That’s neither right nor wrong because both choices were always decided for the sake of their children. However, to some people, being a homemaker rings like a dirty word. Some of my relatives even perceived it as a total life failure.
As for me, well, I don’t wish to talk about my future yet; I would only like to focus on the present. I’m still living with my parents and younger siblings, I'm still in my lowest earning years, and I'm still sleeping in my childhood bed. I’m a young adult who needs to learn a lot when it comes to my job, and I have a long life journey ahead of me. Of course, I wanted to get married, and if the world is already a better place to live, I will bear a child. It will be very difficult to decide if I will give up working so I could raise a household, but one thing is for sure, whatever the best option would be for my family, that will be the only thing that I will choose!